Years ago, I was so much in love, and so crazy that my partner would love me the same as I do to him. Perhaps, he did at first, not long after, everything has changed. The nature of our relationship turned dull and boring. We ended up fighting, hurting, humiliating each other.
I wasn’t the person who gives up easily. I tried my very best to restore the broken relationship. I have given an evenhanded scrap. Determined enough that I could win it, but, I was failure. Yes! A great disappointment for me and to our race as women, to get dumped, of course. I did not just lost my ultimate dream relationship and family, I also mislaid myself and very worth. Till I reached that day of my redemption, that moment when I had to draw the line of hurting myself. Why? Because I had nothing left to give. I only had my seed of faith that all will soon pass. The pain was so intense that I even lost my direction and sane somewhere along the way to my retrieval process, until I officially renounced the crusade and began to live a painful yet full of meaning and wisdom.
I remember those days when thought I was the problem. l took the grandest pity party and self-blame game seriously. I questioned my worth enormously and I begged for his love. I thought if I would change, do everything he wants and be the version of a woman he would love, everything will get back to their proper places. Like Cinderella and other Fairy Tales, there will be a happily ever after and everything will turn the way we used to be. I was wrong, everything that I sacrificed and fought did not matter. I ended up picking myself in the street of depression and hurt. I was deeply devastated, I was completely helpless. Only to find out later on that begging for love is a big no-no, asking somebody to love you back is a crazy expectation. Changing yourself for the sake of love and validation is never ideal, suffering in any form in the arena of love and relationship is not acceptable.
In my journey to self-worth, it wasn’t easy and relax. I had to deal with so many attempts and temptation to go back to my comfort zone. I wanted to just work things out. But I chose not, I stood still to what I lighted upon. Along the way, I further understood the principle of relationship and self-love. Suffering is down-the-line.
The sad truth is, sacrificing beyond who you are, turning your back from yourself and worth is not a guarantee that you will experience the love that you expect to have and receive. Giving more love is not a promise that you will get commensurate of what you are giving. Loving does not correspond worthlessness and suffering. We can only do sacrifices yet, in a fair-and-square degree. There is a great need to quantify how much you are to give in your relationship.
If that person loves you truly, you will be his priority, he will be the first and last person caring and defending you. If he is veritably in to you, he will stay and keep you, without exerting an extra effort of pleasing him. Your big E’s should only be given to that right person who will value you, as his reinforcement factor of taking good care of you, loving you in the most gratifying way.
If you are in the same state of affair, draw the line now. Quit loving that undeserving person and commence looking for that love that will champion you and make you feel integral. It might not be easy at first but, spending a lifetime of suffering, degradation and being in wrong relationship is not what you deserve. You are not put in this world to suffer and be under someone’s devious influence. You are bound to be happy and be loved, that you should know.
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May we all live well. All my love,