Few years back, I made it to the rock-bottom of my life, recalling that gracious day of April when I realized that cheating was taking place in my seven-year relationship. I had that unexplained cramps in my stomach the moment I found out the affair. I could hardly breathe; hundreds of ice buckets seem to have been poured on me. That was the most devastating day ever passed. There was an unexplained and defiant discomfort. Appalling depression shadowed the affair.
The pain was unbearable that I decided to run away, I had to go away from the memories and pains. Major decisions were made that swift. I had to leave my three-year old son, I had to leave my job as a university professor hoping that it will lessen the agony and hurt. Things were unquestionably never easy for me. I was 101% devastated with the deception and never did I think that such hurt exists. Unfathomable pain that was.
I was extremely wrecked, I mislaid hope, became paranoia. It was a life changing experience to start with. I never wanted to trust anyone. I felt I was alone, pathetic, lonely, never enough. I became distant, negative pathetic thinker. I would fight all the rights, I think I should have. In short, I became a war freak. I have became defensive and so much protective with my emotions just for me to protect myself from any other devastation from people. Not again, not with any one and not in this life time. Fear covered my whole being.
There were moments when I cannot sleep, there were times I was questioning God, why? Many times, I felt God was unfair. My crying episodes were endless, no matter how hard I cry, the pain was still there and its becoming worse every single day. I never wanted to see light. All I wanted was darkness and my pillow that I could cry on and shout my pains out loud. I wondered why God allowed me to experience that kind of hurt. Every day, as I wake up in the wee hour of the morning, I would beg God to take a portion of that pain. If not, He will just grant me the opportunity to serve Him through it. It was after two years, majority of my prayers were granted and nearly all my questions were answered.
In the year 2012, I started touching lives, making an impact, giving hope by writing, speaking, giving hope to many abused, broken women across nations. That’s when I realized the exquisiteness of that brokenness.
All of us goes through brokenness in diverse shapes, levels and aspects. We all get to that deepest point of our lives when we question our worth, our significance, the essence of life and our very existence.
Why am I telling these? This isn’t to put any one to the limelight of shame or judge people base on their good or bad decisions, nonetheless to hopefully give you hope out of your sufferings today.
In countless times, we go through tremendous experiences in the least expected moments and people. It could happen to anyone. This is to give you hope and put silver linings on your dark sky, as you face your own battle today.
Like me, I know you also have many why’s. Let me tell you that your brokenness is a blessing for;
1. It brings out the best in you– During my lowest moments, I realized how strong I am as a woman and a mother. I discovered that I can be a very good provider to my son and parents, furthermore, I began to realized I am capable of touching lives.
2. You will learn to trust yourself and your Creator– It taught me to trust MY SOURCE when I got no one to cling on, every time I felt that emptiness, I would pray to God to fill the desolation in me. I never wanted to trust anyone, only God and myself, the people who loves me in the most profound way.
3. It will make you more sensitive towards other’s situation and feelings– Since I understood that feeling and experience. I became more careful in dealing with other women. Every time I encounter somebody who’s going through tough times, I tend to sympathize and take part in her healing process.
4. It will make you a better person– Before the cheating, I got really comfortable with my postpartum body. After the cheating, I really made a point that I will be the best version of myself. It’s the best form of vengeance, I think.
5. It will make you emotionally robust– I remember a friend telling me that ones you experience the most painful emotional wrench, no one could ever hurt you the same again. The pain you’ve gone through will prepare you in surpassing other painful episodes that might come your way. He made an eye-popping point.
6. It will make you even more nurturing– The moment I felt that direful experience, I never wanted any other woman to experience the same pain. Now, you understand why I wrote this article.
7. It will make you independent- That experience had taught me how to be alone and appreciate my being, my gifts and my skills. I never thought I could be a public speaker, not in my wildest imagination that I would be talking to women across countries giving comfort. I learned the meaning of deep happiness
8. It will change your perspective about things– When I got hurt enormously, I started to think in a more practical and mature way. I learned how to forgive for my own peace of mind and comfort.
9. It will make you realize your highest worth– Before the cheating, all I had in mind was to serve my family and no questions about that. After the cheating I realized, I could do more, I am capable of making an impact on somebody’s life, I am capable of dealing with tycoons and most influential people globally and give advises as to how to make their business meliorate its strategies for revenue increment. That I never realised, not until I got hurt.
10. It will make you gorgeous!!!- Seriously!! You will definitely have time taking good care of your own self and give the love it needs, no choice, you will definitely end up being GORGEOUS!!!
BEFORE BROKENNESS And AFTER
You may be suffering now, but try to understand the subliminal messages that pain brings you, make the most out of it. You are at the winning end. That is your blessing and do not miss that genuine chance of making yourself better. And that, choose to be GORGEOUS!!
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